Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Randomize
