I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
