remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
