they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
