hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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