She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
