My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
