I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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