She's JV to your varsity
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
