i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
