is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
