Christians are straight up FREAKS
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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