I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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