Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We were destined to go to rehab together
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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