I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
