I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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