I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
