so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
