I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
