i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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