he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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