i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
