I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
