DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
