There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
