You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
