Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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