i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
babies were throwing up all over the place
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
