Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize