She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
