Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
