You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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