He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
