I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
