I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
