True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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