he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
