Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
