i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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