The maid of honor just puked.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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