i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I need water and some morals
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
