Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
