I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
