Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
