I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
