soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
