i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
