There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize