She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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