um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
