I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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