I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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