Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
