We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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