Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
