I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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