I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
