i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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