so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
