i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
