she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
