OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
