did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
