yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
